“Sexual Brokenness” – the things we aren’t talking about.

“Me too.”
At first a question mark, now a period.

These past couple of weeks have been painful for some. The talks of sexual harassment in the news have brought light to some dark and painful realities that we all face in our lives, or may be blinded to. And while that may be a large statement to generalize that everyone is affected by this, I believe it could be true.

We are sexual beings, and in different ways, we are broken sexually. Whether the offender or the offended, I believe we could argue we all stand on both sides, and it has been a very, very painful time. Again, I am not trying to be insensitive to such a hard time, but I believe God is opening my eyes to a lot of sin in my own life, as well as, hurt that I have felt and faced from others.

The past couple of weeks at church, we have been talking about “Sexuality”, as we’ve been studying the book of Matthew. I will not dare try to regurgitate the sermon. I won’t do it justice; however, if you go to (http://brookhavenpres.com/sermons-the-gospel-of-matthew/) you can see the two sermons on “Sexual Ethic” and “Intimacy.” It’s through these sermons, a book I have been personally studying with a woman on sexual brokenness, and reading the Samuel Series (She Reads Truth) and Tamar’s story in 2 Samuel, that I have seen the magnitude of how sexual sin both effects others, or has effected us deeply.

With the “Me too” campaign going around, a friend asked me what I thought about it?

I think if it effects us and shows us the stark reality of how our sin deeply effects those around us, then that’s great. And with that said, what I’ve been seeing, reading, and understanding about my own sin is that I also see how I am just as much the offender as the offended. Maybe I haven’t physically hurt anyone, but how have I objectified people around me? How have I lusted after people, as if I have any right to them or their body?

It’s been this kind of understanding recently, and a result of feeling objectified, lusted after, or people taking ownership over me whether they think they have a right or not of that ownership, that has made me SO disgusted by the sexual sin and brokenness that engulfs our world and lives and breeds so deep inside of me.

Ah, I could go on forever, but where does this leave us?

Well, I think like Amanda Bible Williams, an author of She Reads Truth, says,
“We all need a rescue. We all yearn for a reckoning. Sin is deceitful. Sin creates desolation. Sin leaves a wake of destruction. (But) Our God receives us, rescues us, and restores us. This is the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yes, this world is ever so broken. But God is here. He is the Healer and Redeemer, and He is with us.”

Resources:

1.) Brookhaven Presbyterian Church (Matthew Sermon Series)

http://brookhavenpres.com/sermons-the-gospel-of-matthew/

2.) “She Reads Truth” (1&2 Samuel Study- specifically “Absalom’s Restoration”) (There is also a “He Reads Truth”)

http://shereadstruth.com/plan/12-samuel/

http://shereadstruth.com/2017/08/28/absaloms-restoration/

3.) “Sexual Sanity for Women” “Sexual Sanity for Men”

https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=sexual+sanity+for+women&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=174220784787&hvpos=1t1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=17380696975440151067&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9060483&hvtargid=kwd-59141342238&ref=pd_sl_8a30hg7jao_e

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Another One Gone

 

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Another one gone.

How many more are actually left on this planet?

I am referring to men. Single men. Good single men. Good God fearing single men.

It was a cold night. I was trekking across a deserted, dark street, dodging fallen pine cones and mushy, damp leaves, heading to my friend’s apartment. I almost made it up the stairs when I heard a gentleman humming a tune, as he unlocked his door. I started humming along, then I got to the part where I knew words. Holy crap! It was a “Jesus song”. In stead of knocking on my friend’s door, I stood there and seriously considered running down the stairs and breaking into this poor guys house just to scream, “HEY!! You’re a christian!! Are you single?!”

Instead, I blazed into Lydia’s apartment and exclaimed the whole story. We laughed, and then we moved on to a glass of wine.

Moments of “if only”,“what if”, “almost” or “not just yet” seem to happen often to me. For a brief moment I fear God has forgotten me. Moments when the boy I crush on, or once liked, has a girl friend or worse, is now engaged. “What’s happening?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why not me?” “Why am I still single?”

It’s hard. Your heart immediately runs to “I’m too much or I’m not enough.” For me, it’s my personality is just too much for guys and physically, I just don’t meet what they’re looking for.

And as I try to manipulate and change how God has created me, suddenly the friend who looks like me and the one who acts like me are both asked out on a date.

So, what’s wrong then? I thought I knew the formula to get a man!

It’s timing friend. It’s trust. It’s the truth that our loving Father gives good gifts and isn’t withholding from us. He knows our needs, our wants, and our desires. In him, we find what our heart truly wants- peace, love, joy, to be adored, admired, and understood.

So, come back. Come back to the truth that we are called Beloved, we are not forgotten.

Let the warmth of His love fill your heart.

The Snow Queen

“The future is bright. Amid the cold of winter, Christ is our bright shiny future, just as men have sung for thousands of years. The prophets foretell the future, and the future they foretell is Christ.” by REBECCA FAIRES (She Reads Truth- Advent series Day 2)

Wearing a darker shade of lipstick, I press my lips together as I step outside. Clutching tightly to what feels like an icy blue cape dripping with frozen fractals all around, I stare, glowering at the world around me. I imagine the White Witch from Narnia, but then other times I imagine Queen Elsa of Arendelle, because she seems sweeter, more lovely.

And as much as I scream “let it go” to myself, the song of my heart is hard to sing. The hurt, want and cry of my discontented life is slowly but surely becoming frozen, bitter and angry.

“I want to be married!” “I want a man, a boyfriend, or at least a guy who seems to be interested!” Can I get at least a wink from a guy? Geez.

My heart grows more and more discontent as the days drag on and nothing moves in my direction. I mourn the loss of the life that I may never have. I become the whispers of others: “She must have problems. She hasn’t dated anyone in YEARS!”

But as I was reading the excerpt from She Reads Truth earlier today, God so sweetly reminded me how He is what my icy heart truly wants. I want to be:

•admired

•adored

•understood

•known

And God woos and meets me perfectly as no man, or person, or career will ever be able. So as the prophets foretold of the coming Messiah, the One who will bring light to all darkness, Christ comes to this cold dark, Snow Queen’s heart and warms her with a kiss like no other.

Comfort in the Chaos

I was just reading back over some of my blogs lately, and it’s so cool to see what all God has brought you through or who he has brought in your life.

This season of my life has been interesting, exciting, weird, confusing, and requiring trust and discernment to just make a decision.

I AM SO INDECISIVE.
(You can ask any barista at the local coffee shops I venture to. “Oh here come’s that girl… She’s going to stand here for 5 minutes although she knows everything on our menu…” or my friends at a social gathering and the food table is littered with half eaten cookies and cupcakes, where I’ve just taken a piece of everything. – sorry if you’ve witnessed this. I have issues, I know. Buffets are my best/ worst friend…)

Anyway, as I was caught looking back over blogs before I moved to Atlanta and being so unsure of what would lie here for me, I was brought to a place of awe and thankfulness.

God knows what I need and He hasn’t forgotten about me.
This reminder of God’s faithfulness came because of the hard conversations I’ve had with people in the past week, most resulting in lots of tears and snot, “I just don’t know what to do!”.
And the people who have gotten right down next to me, listened to me, prayed for me and cried with me are people I didn’t know a year and half ago, or less really, people who now labor with me, fight with me, and journey with me during this season of life.

There is always a reason, a purpose for the people and places and opportunities God puts in your life. And it’s so sweet when He gives you a little picture of His faithfulness, by reminding you of your past and then lifting your chin and encouraging you to look around at where you are now.

Even though I am so uncertain of a lot of things, I am so certain that I am not in control.

And that brings me comfort.

The True Superhero.

So my heart has been heavy this morning… and this week really. God has been opening my eyes to the world around me. The hurt, the heartache, the persecution.

So in quick response, I put on my super hero cape and fly to the rescue! I fight. I wrestle. I get a black eye and maybe I get in a good hook or jab. But eventually I grow weary and faint, and the fatigue sets in. I’ve just about given all of the strength I can. Then it starts again, I see more hurt, more heartache, more persecution.
So I stop.
I look around at the lost, fallen world and cry out, “Jesus. I just can’t do it. I don’t have the strength. I can’t save your people.”
Then I see Jesus.
I see Him mending the broken, healing the sick, comforting the weary. And I realize He’s at work. He always has been. He never grows weary or tired or troubled.
But I do. I get tired. I get down. He doesn’t.
He’s always working and moving.
He’s the one who gives me the strength to fight. It isn’t my strength I rest in.

So yes, we may grow weary, but have to remember who the real hero is, it isn’t us. It’s Jesus. He’s the one who came, put on sinful flesh, and defeated sin in the flesh, and conquered the world.

So as I stand in my bloody suit and torn cape. I realize the blood and tears are nothing compared to the blood of my Savior and the veil that was torn that day that united me with the Father once and for all.
So I pause. Take a knee and see I’m not the hero. I’m not the one who saves.
But I am called to keep fighting. To persevere. And to love brutally.
So I get up. I look around at the world and I say, “My God is bigger than the troubles around me. My God is bigger than this city!”
I scream it.
“My God is bigger than you world. My God has conquered you!!!”
So I rest.
I rest in that every problem, every person has a purpose in his plan. I can’t see the plan. But I trust. I trust in the one who created it all. The one much wiser than me. I trust that He has a plan, and not only that, but His plan is beautiful.
It’s Beautiful!
So my trust grows my faith. My faith in the one who loves those around me more than I ever could.
And I dust off my knees and I quit fighting on my own and I lean. I lean on Jesus.

** This life isn’t going to be easy. It’s going to be a fight. But we don’t rest on our own strength. Instead we look to the One who came and conquered!

Oh how we await for the day, when once and for all you will put an end to sin and death! Give us the strength to persevere! Help us to rest in the grace and wonder of the cross!

Amen

NO FEAR IN DEATH.

O death, where is your sting?

The past several weeks have been a heavy time around me of death and tragedy. Some of it slow, others sudden. Some old, others young. Some sweet and certain, others sad and uncertain.
It’s drawn me to say,
“God when is my time?” “When will this tragedy hit my life?”

It’s not something that clouds my every thought, but I’ll catch myself in moments of the day afraid. This fear stems from death, being afraid to die.
“God, not now. I’m not ready. It’s not time for me. There is still so much I would love to do.”
Or even thoughts like.
“What if it’s tragic?”
“What if I have to feel pain?”

Those things I don’t want. I don’t want to suffer.

And then I realize I don’t know my God.
I don’t know my God if I have fear in death.
I don’t know my God if I have fear in suffering.
I don’t know my God if I feel I’m not ready, or my time has not come.

Death is evident. That is for sure. The time, the hour, the how, I do not know, but I know each day it draws closer.

However, in that I don’t live.
In that pit I don’t find peace or hope or security.
In that I don’t dwell or drink from the depths of that well.
In that pit there is no life, no air, no wings to carry me to the next day.

So, I can’t live there. I can’t find food in the depths of that compressing, morbid sink hole consuming my mind.

Instead, I focus on Christ.
Because to know my God, is to know peace.
To know my God is to know love, to know security, strength, and life.

To know my God is to know Christ.

He is my water for the day.
To know my God is to shout,
“O death, where is your sting?”
“My God is won!”
“The victory is His!”
“He has conquered the grave!”

I have life in Him, so in Him I live.
In Him I have breath and He carries me on the wings of eagles- high above those deep pits.

It doesn’t matter the time, the hour, the how, the pain… because it doesn’t affect me.

My hope is in Christ. And with Him I forever dwell.

“WISDOM FROM ABOVE”

Some mornings you just grip my heart and squeeze. I am so in love with you. God use me. In James, you speak through your brother about wisdom from above. A wisdom that is “pure, then peaceable, gentle open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere” and not earthly or demonic, causing destruction. May I seek wisdom from you. You also say I just have to ask. 

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
But to ask with FAITH!
“But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything form the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unsuitable in all his ways.”

 

God, I need you. I need you in every decision I make. Either I make decisions that are based on wisdom from above or based on wisdom from below, earthly and destructive. Be my teacher, my guider. Put mentors and models in my life of how to live and live to glorify you. May I make much of you. May I boast in your name, not my name. May I build up your name, not mine. 

Lord you have made us ambitious, to set goals, to accomplish them, but who am I exalting? May everything from within me scream you! God lead me closer and closer to you! Strip me of myself, my pride, my selfish-ambitions. I welcome those trials, and count them as JOY as they lead me closer and closer to you!! Make me like your son, I cry in desperation. Sanctify me and continue on until I come into your presence and where all the troubles of this world, the fight with sin, the weariness, the tears, the hurt, the constant chase for something better is gone! My heart is filled, satisfied, and my body is made new; glorified, and I no longer will be prone to wander! I will be right where I was meant to be. Perfection. Lord I long for you. For your peace. Holy Spirit come and fill me. Lead me and guide me until I am united in perfect community with You that is in perfect communion.

Amen.

(Based on the teachings of Pastor, Teacher Harry Reeder teaching on James, who both (James and Pastor Reeder) were able to speak and preach by God’s grace through the Holy Spirit)
(Verses from James 1:5-8; 3:15-17)

PROVISION- not my vision

When will I trust your provision for my life? You specifically kept me from something to make me available for something else. You do that. You work in funny, cool ways. Ways that it takes me longer to understand- or at least not until after you’ve already done it…

Tonight:
Went to The Not Wedding where I planned to meet future employers and instead, I came out with community, possible roommates, contacts for acting and auditioning, and future jobs for next year. (Not to mention new friends and small world connections with the Fellows Program.) Things I had specifically been praying for, all answered in the span of an hour.
If that didn’t blow my mind enough… I started to think about the fact that I am on Spring Break right now! SPRING BREAK! You know- toes in the sand. Rays on my face. Chilling with my girls- that kinda thing. Yeah, that’s where I wanted to be…

Two weeks ago I got so mad at my mom because I really wanted to go to the beach for spring break. I wanted to stay at the condo that I’ve gotten to stay in the past few years of college and just have a good time and relax, you know? It’s a tradition. I deserve it. Right?!
So, I really thought it was going to work out. I was so determined to make it happen one way or another. Then the bomb got dropped on me- Sean wanted to go to the beach too and stay at the condo and “Technically he asked first.” (which I still will argue is a false statement) and she could only ask for one week. So who deserved to go?
Well I sure as heck didn’t think Sean did.
I. PITCHED. A. FIT.
I wouldn’t have it. It wasn’t fair. These were all things I said and I was determined to make it happen! But that is not how it went down. The condo wasn’t available the week I wanted to go. It was only available for Sean’s week, so the choice had been made for me. My plan to work with my toes in the sand, rays in my face with my girlfriends and I just chilling at the beach ALL week was going to have to be a fading dream. What a sad day…
BUT. NOW. I. SEE.
Plans changed. I had to work from home and this allowed me to go to the work event where You showed off your skillzzzz. Ha!

Your Provision.

Your Plan.

I should probably trust in it.

And so here we are again, at your throne room, where I lay down everything and give it to You. It’s Yours. Do what You will. Every moment. Every day of my life.
In this moment at Your feet, I worship You and give You honor and glory. You are my King. You are my Savior. You are my Lord.

DANCE IN THE RAIN

I am so unbelievably blessed that I get to wake up every day and live my life for you. Thank you for breathe. Thank you for a heart beat. Thank you for allowing me to use my arms and legs to worship you. My prayer is that I honor the Creator and not your creation. That at the end of the day, if everything is stripped from me and I’m only left with You, that I won’t notice, because You’re all I’ve been looking at the whole time.

This week and the past few weeks have been so sweet. Constantly The Lord is putting people in my path that love Him and honor Him and want to make their life a picture of that love and honor to Him. What’s been beautiful is His steady stream of encouragement with people doing that with their gifts He has given them, specifically in the performing arts.

Today was a sweet story in particularly. This morning as I woke, I had no idea of the sweetness and blessings that God would provide- but do we ever know? I had a conference call with a couple of women who live and breathe a passion for dance and a zeal for God. We talked about our Creator and the idols and distractions that get in the way of our communion with our Father. As we prayed and conversed over ideas of God being glorified through and in our lives in the form of dance, it was the sweetest realization of a Father’s love for each of us and divine ordaining of bringing his children together. Something He had planned before time. What a sweet connection of souls wanting to honor and Glorify our King.

If that wasn’t enough, there was a baby shower going on downstairs. When I had finished with the conference call, I went downstairs to join the party. The room was filled with women that The Lord had only put in my life in the past 7 months. Oh, the stories of each of the women and the sweet souls, yet again, The Lord had allowed me to meet. His beautiful creations conversing in the room with me. As I was walking around, meeting new people and hearing their stories, another life lived in this grand and marvelous plan of a sovereign God who pieces it all together perfectly for His Glory, I came across this woman- well she came across me. Mrs. Nancy is her name. What a beautiful soul. She asked me what my name was and that began another interaction of two souls coming together in God’s marvelous plan. We talked about what I had been doing here in Birmingham, and then she asked me the question (some deem “dreaded”, some “infamous”, but I say “exciting”) “So, what’s next?”. I told her about my love for theatre and dance. And a sparkle lit in her eye. This 65 yr old woman grabbed my arm with excitement and said, “Come in here. I have to tell you something!” So we ran, literally, into the other room, and there in the middle of the foyer she told me that every morning up until two years ago she would do a pirouette and land in fifth position. She half demonstrated this with so much excitement, and told me how it was something she had done since she was 17 years old. It was so much a part of her, of her life, of who God had created her to be. She then told me of this painting she had seen that said, “Keep Calm and Dance in the Rain.” It was her way of life. When things come your way, when hard times happen, just keep calm and dance through that storm, dance in the rain! And the best part is, you will always have the best dance partner. Never forget that.

ONLY ONE

Posted to Tumblr February 5, 2014 

There is only one. 

 As I woke this morning I never knew the blessings The Lord would bring to me. Today I was to work from home, but it is also the day that the cleaning lady was to come and clean the house. I wasn’t sure if I was going to mess up her plan or get in her way so I just stayed nestled in my room. After a while I realized I needed my cup of coffee, so I went down stairs and she was there in the kitchen. As I began to work around her trying to stay out of her way, we got to talking about the snow storm that hit our area so unexpectedly last week. We talked and laughed over the stories we shared with one another and then there at the end of the conversation entered “But what a Blessing.” Those four words opened up a door for our souls to meet, and we began to talk about God. We talked about his sovereignty, his love for us, and his wisdom, power, and control with no problem or language barrier. See what I forgot to mention was that this woman is originally from Africa and now lives here with her family.

     As I was about to leave she asked me where I went to school and what I majored in. I told her Samford University, and Theatre and Dance. All of the sudden a light flashed in her eyes and she began to tell me about her daughter and her passion for the arts. She asked me how I knew I wanted to do that. And then right there, in the middle of the kitchen, I told her my testimony and how God kept leading me and revealing these passions inside of me. She just smiled and then God began to bless me through her words. She talked about Our Father. How he made us all so uniquely different. That people can do what I can do, they can say what I can say, but they can’t have the presence that is me. That is only me. There will be other Meg’s she said. But there is only one you. You were made specifically to glorify God and will do so in only one way that the One and ONLY has made for you to do.

What a peace that surrounded me. There is no comparing. I am a part of the body of Christ and I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am Meg Biddle, uniquely and intricately made, fashioned with specific passions, gifts and talents. 

I am the one and only made specifically for the ONE and ONLY.